This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
