Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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