Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
