If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
