There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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