Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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