oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
