random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
