I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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