please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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