wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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