its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
