I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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