I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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