Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Randomize
