hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
