i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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