you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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