quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
