she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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