There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Randomize
