the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
