Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
why is half of my head shaved?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
