insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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