he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
