I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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