Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
