I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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