i barfeds in our rink
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
