I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
