Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
