im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Houston, we have a blender
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
