I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
