Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
