No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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