My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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