i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
