i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
