Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
did i walk over a car last night?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
