If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
