After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
