Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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