do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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