so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
