i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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