People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
