Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
