He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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