Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
