You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
