you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
